Diginity prepared his mind for an
apology. An apology he should have rendered years ago. That is when he was
younger and his agility and prowess was not in doubt. Will he be accepted by
his wife and her children? The children she
bore him, his children! How can he claim to be their father when he was never
there for them?
Now, he hears, Oyin is a mother
though she is not in wedlock. He felt some rumbling in his stomach. Regret!
Just may be things would have been different if he he’d remained the father
that he was thirty two years ago. That was before he opted to go abroad in
search of the Golden Fleece. Kolade, his son, he is told is now a happily
married man who is doing well in his chosen medical career.
Why did he go to London he would have
been better off had he stayed back in Nigeria.
After all what has been his gain this past four decades or so? ”Well it
is never too late” he thought by himself. He believes, once they hear him out,
he would explain to them why he did what he did. He would then beg them to
forgive him. If only his children and his wife just allow him to speak his mind.
Since his deportation he has been
with a childhood friend of his, Orebote. Ore as they normally called him never
left Lagos. He was born in Lagos: Musin to be précised moved to yaba on
attaining adulthood. At yaba they were
all youngster. While all were travelling in search of the Golden Fleece or the
greener pasture ore chose to stay at yaba. To ore, the pasture at yaba was ever
green but only if one opens his eyes to look for them. They all thought then
that ore was simply lazy and not ambitious. On hind sight now who is the lazy
one now? Ore involved himself in several businesses among which are saw mill, transportation
and carpentry.
Who ever thought Orebote would make
it big? Dignity thought by himself as he flashes back to his to deportation
from London. The white woman he cohabited with never truly accepted him. She
bore him neither a son nor a daughter. It was all a waste. He shook his head.
``You need to go and see your wife
and children``. Ore had told Diginity earlier in the morning. Diginity had
stayed with ore since his homecoming from his forlorn journey.
``After all Jumoke has not
remarried. ``So my friend, go to her, she would most likely accept you back``.
Ore had concluded his advice to Diginity. Thus the seventy two year old
Diginity picked himself up dropped his shame and headed in search of his
family! The family he abandoned at his prime thirty six or so years ago. How
would they accept him, he thought?
Despite Diginity’s entreaties to
Ore, Ore declined to escort him talk less of being an emissary
“This is a job you alone should and
must do”. He had told him whilst they talked.
Hence alone the old man
picked his weathered portmanteau board a bus at Yaba embark on a journey that
he feels is important to him. He‘ll soon unite with his family before his
death. So he thinks! He wears a jacket and a pair of trousers. A pair of shoes
given him by Ore adorns his feet! Ore had to give him a replacement for the
ones he brought from London. The only sophisticated thing about Diginity was his spoken
English! This betrays his ‘Been To’ personality. Every other thing about him is
rustic and archaic! He simply looks like a man from the hinterlands of Ekiti.
Diginity looks over himself, shakes his head. Is this the Golden Fleece he went
for?
‘Lagos has actually changed.’ diginity enthused as the
vehicle takes him on a journey through the streets of Lagos. He notices new
houses planted where old ones were sitting. The filth and the dirt are much
more than he left them thirty-six years ago. Over the years subsequent
government regimes have not been responsible enough. Sanitation is the least on
the mind of the government! Worse still the people are not helping matters with
their ways and attitude towards the environment.
‘’London is not like this’’ Diginity says aloud to nobody in
particular. The other passengers startle! Who is this ekiti man that comes to
Lagos for the first time to know Lagos and compare it to London of all places?
But his accent gave him away as a ‘Been To’, not even a fake ‘Been To’
The bus finally gets to Oju-Oye Market. Diginity maneuvered
through the market. He is not unable to distinguish between the road and the
gutters nor can he distinguish between the road and the waste dump. At a point
the market entered the road while at another the road entered the market and
the garage. What confusion! He thought! This is the lopsidedness of the entity
called Nigeria. Some call it a project! An abandoned project is more like it!
This is supposed to be a ‘Giant of the Continent’, a ‘Big Brother’ of Africa.
Diginity sneered. A country blessed with so many resources human and material.
For a while, in his thought, Diginity forgets his personal problems and
inadequacies. This is a country that has no natural disaster of any kind.
Subsequent regimes have simply been a disappointment and a nuisance on the
people! More like government disaster!
The idea of nuisance and disappointment jolts him back to his
own reality. Is he really different from the government?
He has been a disappointment to his wife and children. The
journey he embarks on now, will it not make him a nuisance to them? He slows
down his pace May be he should just forget it and go back to Orebote! He stood
still in his thoughts.
‘’Daddy e sun si waju’’ the ‘area boy’ bellows at him.
Diginity thoughtlessly moves forward. Retracing his steps would be a disaster.
He is determined to make amends he must not be a disaster! Never! No! Not
anymore. To err is human and to forgive is divine. With his newly found
determination he climbs the motor cycle that would take him to Ejigbo where hi
family of forty two years ago now lives.
‘’Na Ori-Oke be dis’ the ‘motorcycle operator’ bellowed in
rustic Nigerian English. The nature of his job has made it expedient the he
speak the bastardized version of English. Diginity disembarks from the
motorcycle, pays the motorcyclist his fare soon he is inching closer to his destination;
his wife’s home!
As Diginity walks on with his portmanteau he feels emptiness
inside him. The closer he is to his wife’s place the more empty he feels.
‘What must be done must be done. There is always room for
improvement and indeed correction’. Diginity wondered about his children; Oyin
and Kola were barely three and a year old respectively when he lost physical
touch with their mother. Would they accept him?
Oyin he is told by Ore is now a single mother. He feels a
tear in his heart. Why was he not there to perform his fatherly role to his
children? Even, when kola married he was not there! Thirty six years is quite a
period to be out of touch with one’s family!
It appears as if he was just waking up from a reverie. This is
not just a reverie but machinations of the wicked ones; ‘edi’- in local Yoruba
parlance! What did he actually see in that woman to warrant spending his life
time with her?
Even when his wife, Jumoke visited him in London, he
presented her and even convinced her to pretend that she was his distant cousin
from Nigeria! What nonsense! How Jumoke must have felt hearing him and his
‘oyinbo’ wife make whimpering noise during their love making sessions. What for?
It’s not worth it!
The poor woman had to play along, ‘just for the green card’.
He‘d told her!
Now he is deported, with neither a Green Card nor a child to
show for his years of sojourn in Europe. He was merely a sex slave to gratify
the ‘oyinbo’ woman’s sordid sexual desires and her despicable copulating needs!
A warm tear cascades his cheek. He is thoroughly sapped of all
dignity and integrity. Amends that is what he wants to make now! He hopes his
wife will at least hear him out and not go into tantrums as was akin to her in
those days when they were still a poor family living at Ebute Metta. That was
years before he traveled in search of greener pasture’. To his surprise there
is no ’Green Pasture’ anywhere in the world without hard work!
Diginity gets to the location, his destination. A small gate
separates him from his family, or, is it his wife’s family? He smiles. The
smile vanishes sooner than it appeared!
* * *
Diginity had by now spent almost thirty minutes standing by
the gate. He lacks the courage to knock the iron gate. He peeped through the
crevice between the gate and the pillar supporting it. The expanse of land has
a large open field with a beautiful well cared of garden. Could this actually
belong to Jumoke or is she on rent? He swallowed his spit. Whichever he viewed
it, Jumoke his abandoned wife, has arrived in did! She has turned to a woman of
substance, a woman to be reckoned with in her society.
How could he doubt her present status in the society? She
was strong willed and hardworking. Even thirty six years ago, she always spoke
of her desire to be a force to be reckoned with anywhere she finds herself!
Back in those days she never abdicated any challenge and was
always looking for ways to improve her personality. Diginity remembered her counsel;
’’you need not go abroad to make it, honestly’’. She’d told him when he muted
the idea that of going in pursuit of the Golden Fleece! Now she is proved
right.
Close to four decades in London what has he to show for it
but a raggedy portmanteau of cloths and a high command of the Queen’s English
and accent! He hissed? How silly he was when he insisted that he must make the
journey!
‘’This country, the government, the society are all not
ready for me’’! He’d foolishly argued.
Thirty six years gone by Jumoke is better than him by far!
Indeed life is a race. No one can tell who will win the race from the onset.
He wakes up from his thought. He finally musters enough
courage, knocks at the gate. No response! He peeps into the compound a window
blind is raised as somebody peeped at the gate. He knocks at the gate once
again, now, a little gentler.
‘’Who is that’’? A voice from inside asks. Diginity knocks
once more then a little girl of about seven years of age appears from the house
and runs towards the gate. She clutches a toy car by her side as she runs
towards the gate.
Maybe they are having an indoor party after all it is that
time of the year when Nigerians are in festive mood. Jumoke was not the party
type. Anyway people change. One thing he
has learnt in his close to four decades in London is that people change. Never
rely on people’s promise for they may renege anytime!
This thought reminded him of his concubine, the ‘’oyinbo’’,
with whom he cohabited in London! This was a woman through whom he thought he
would secure the much sought after ‘’Green Card’’! The Green Card that never
came!
Lost in his thought he held on to two vertical iron bars of
the gate while his head droops in between his raised arms.
‘’Baba, who do you want to see’’? The little girl repeated
the question she‘s been asking the absent old man standing by her grandmother’s
gate.
She knocks on the gate to alert Diginity of her presence.
‘’Ah, ah! Who do you want to see’’. She has become exasperated.
Diginity realizes himself, but remains speechless and
confused. He merely stares at the little girl, realizing, this must be his
grandchild!
A voice from inside the house shouted ’’Temi, who is at the
door? Who are you speaking with’’? Though a bit shriveled, the voice is clearly
familiar to Diginity. The voice dates back to years ago! ‘’So, indeed jummie
lives here’’! Diginity sighed.
‘’ I don’t know grandma! It is one old man that I’ve never
seen. He is just looking at me. He refused to talk. I think he is a beggar’’
Diginity shakes his head. ‘’Oh, what a waste’’! He said.
Hearing the old man speak, Temi cringes a bit but keeps her
gaze at the old ‘beggar’.
‘’Come here quickly! Leave the gate!’’ Screamed jumoke! As
she sees the girl recoiled from the gate.
Frantically, Jumoke gets out of the building and approaches
the gate. By now Diginity is no longer in doubt of the voice. She is still her
usual self. It’s as if she has not grown fatter. She looks a bit frail now,
though. She has the steps and gait that attracted him to her.
Jumoke moves as fast as she can to save Temi from the
stranger. She quickly picked Temi and shielded the little girl behind her. She
stares at the man at the other side of the gate. Is this real?
‘’Ju-mo-ke…’’! He slurred! “It is
me”.
Jumoke does not want to believe this is real. She becomes transfixed.
She clutches Temi and softly carries the girl tightly to her bosom. Slowly, she
moves towards the gate just to be sure it really is Soji speaking to her!
“S…o…j…i”! She manages to say, as she points to Diginity.
Diginity attempts to talk but his voice fail him!
Slowly Jumoke drops Temi she does not answer the enquiries
from her children concerning who the mystery guest at the gate is.
Kola and Oyin wondering what mystery guest holds their
mother and temi transfixed rush out of the building.
All his plans for an apology, for a plea become lame! He
simply stares at Jumoke. Both of them remain transfixed starring each other in
the eyeballs with varying thoughts in their mind!
To be sure of her sanity, Jumoke moves closer to the gate.
Softly opens it. She looks deeply at Diginity and said “s-o-j-i!”Diginity is
still silent despite her opening the gate. He raises his head to confirm he is
the one. Instantly he bows his head in shame and regret.
Now, sure of her sanity, Jumoke feels the pains of the years
of neglect. She feels the pains of being a single mother in ‘traditional’
Nigeria society. The pains of being accused of sending her husband away from
home through African remote control-juju! Which would she think of? Is it the suffering she went through to fend
and train her children, his children? Is it the suffering when either or both
of the children come home morose after being ridiculed by their peers? What of
the visit? Oh that! When she had to pretend she was his distant cousin. The
suffering and pain she went through listening to their passionate lovemaking.
What did she not put up with just for their marriage to work?
In what way did she go wrong? Was she wrong marrying him?
Did she not advice him enough against going abroad more so when he hadn't the
requisite papers? What about the letters that were not replied?
Diginity cannot say anything! He knows her pains. At least
he can imagine her state but he lacks the courage to say the words I-AM-SORRY.
In the midst of her thoughts Jumoke turns and leaves for her
house whilst the gate is still open.
Seeing their mother transfixed made Kola and Oyin rush out.
“What is it? Who is that”? They ask their mother. She has
been their father, mother. She is even the only uncle and aunt they know since
their birth!
She stops points at the gate. “Your father”! She resumes her
walk into the house. She does not look back as the children walk briskly to the
gate. They know she would not joke with such an issue! They had always wanted
to meet their father, even if the meeting is to be for just a few seconds. One
thing they never thought of was whether they would accept him or not.
The gate is still open. Diginity is still there speechless
and immobile. The old man they see is a sharp contrast to the image of their
father that they've en grained in their minds over the years. Thanks to the
photographs kept by their mother.
Diginity needs no further explanation. These are his
children! The kids he abandoned years ago for greener pasture. Now they are
grown man and woman, parents, husband and whatever else they may be!
A silent tear freely cascades his cheek. He tries to talk but
his voice fails him.
The children, after looking intensely at their father or as
it is their mother’s husband, simply turn away leaving him by the gate.
Through the opened gate Diginity sees his family, his real
family going away! He silently watches them disappear into the building for
ever.
Minutes later Jumoke goes to the gate but Diginity has
vanished just as he appears! The children join her to scout their vicinity for
him. They see no trace of him! Was it his ghost that visited? They went back
home.
* * *
Three weeks later information gets to them. They should come
and bury their father!
Umoru Haruna.
Ejigbo.
04.05.2013.
