My-In-Law (The Proposal )
SCENE 1 RASAKI’S HOUSE DAY.
RASAKI is cleaning his
transistor radio. He sings and dances to the beat of the radio.
RASAKI
(Whispering)
Good afternoon. Hellooooo-o-o-o-! Shall I come in?
OCHUKO
enters tickles RASAKI thrice RASAKI jumps to n offensive stance. Ochuko shields
his face sticking out his stomach he turns backward to Rasaki
OCHUKO
I beg o it’s me I
was just teasing you
RASAKI
Just show your ugly face before I smash this
set on your nasty bum-bum.
Ochuko removes his hands from his face
covers his bum-bum reclines still not facing RASAKI
RASAKI(contd)
Be
warned no tricks or you will regret with a battered bum bum
Ochuko
sways his bum-bum in fright. Slowly he turns to face Rasaki.
RASAKI
So it is you. Why creep on me? Why the
prank. You should know I don’t accept such jokes. You should be glad I’m not in
a hasty mood today. Your bum bum would ‘ve been shattered by now!
OCHUKO
Indeed I ‘m lucky
Holding his chest.
I almost died
RASAKI
Just don’t try that again.
They embrace. Radio slams on Ochuko’s
bum-bum he frets breaks the embrace
RASAKI (contd)
What? Oh! This! Sorry my friend! Just
cleaning it!
RASAKI puts it down
RASAKI (contd)
How are you my friend my brother.
OCHUKO
Fine! That was close
OCHUKO’s eyes dillate
OCHUKO
And how are you too?
RASAKI
Obviously I’m finer than you!
OCHUKO
Really! And is angel mappy
RASAKI
Hm…hm…! Who? What?
OCHUKO
In (ijaw)
Your daughter
OCHUKO puts his hands on his chest
points both index finger forward trembling them.still with a hand on his chest
he stabs one towards the inner room
OCHUKO
Mappy…! sweet potato! Your girl…daughter!
RASAKI
Oh …! You mean mo-pe-looola
OCHUKO nods fervently while still having his
hands on his chest.
OCHUKO
Mappy angel
RASAKI
Is that what you call her, well! She is
fine! She is still there searching. No one wants to relive me of her. Well
don’t mind me. Let’s not waste time on that and all the rest of it! Thank god
for….!
Rasaki
goes to seat Ochuko follows him still standing. Pause Rasaki seats continue
cleaning his transistor set
RASAKI
realizing
oh! You are still standing. Please do sit
down it is your house
Rasaki gets up clens a seat for ochuko sees
ochukos shoes looks him overs
appreciates the dresss code.
RASAK(contd)
Oh what-is-this-m’I-seeing? Fancy
dress.oh those days when boys were boys. Keep lagos clean, booggie bogie to
match. And all the rest of it. Oh how I wish we can relive those days
OCHUKO
You know ! but you can if you want
to!
RASAKI
How? Its no longer possible and so on
and so forth. Seriously, is today your birth day?
Ochuko
Yes…! I mean no…! not really! I have
actually….!
RASAKI
Oooh yes! I should know! Visiting a
girl eh… tell me who is the lucky girl that can make you drop your okada runs
for one day to pursue another passion.
Ochuko
Actually I’m here to see you my
friend!
RASAKI
Me! Me? O ti o…! mi o… gba!... are
you serious
OCHUKO
He
nods
Beeni… my friend
RASAKI
Iro ni! Mi o gba!
I’m not at home. Mo ye!
Sinister laughter
You think you can use fancy dress to swindle
me of money! never! Urhobo wayo! ijaw
wayo! Itsekiri wayooo! Now get
out!
Rasaki starts to push ochuko out.
OCHUKO
I’m not borrowing money!
RASAKI
O o o okay! You want dash! Lofe lofe! Abi!
I’m not baba Christmas. Even father Christmas comes out only in December! Even
at that, in Nigeria, you pay to pay him a visit!
OCHUKO
Not that! I need a favour!
RASAKI
A ha, fa-a-vour! I knew it. Different shades
of 419! Wayo-wayo!jibiti! wuru-wuru!yahoo yahoo! Mago-mago! Con man! it is too
early for bad rubbish!out!
RASAKI comes back to sit
OCHUKO
Please listen!
RASAKI
Okay.. talk!
OCHUKO
Em… em… you see..! I don’t want to cause you
trouble! You kno how difficult things could be. And they could be bad that….
RASAKI looks at Ochuko adjusts and turns
away from Ochuko. Ochuko goes to rasaki’s front
RASAKI
And that kind of a thing!
OCHUKO(contd)
Are you hearing me?
Rasaki turns away
RASAKI
Talk! Don’t make me curse you! oni gbese
jati jati
OCHUKO
Please be patient with me. Ah! It is not
easy for me to say!
RASAKI
…and all the rest of it I can’t be patient…!
You want money! I don’t have it! Even if I do I won’t give you! wahlahi!
OCHUKO
You’ll grant me this if you hear me.
RASAKI
I
won’t.
OCHUKO
I’m sure you will, but I still afraid all
the same. The fact is …all said and done after so many years of thinking
worrying and procrastinating…
RASAKI
And so on and so forth! Get out of my house!
OCHUKO
I’ve come to ask for your daughters hand in
marriage!
Pause ochuko folds up in fright.Rasaki is
stupefied and elated
RASAKI
What? Is that it.
Rasaki dances about in joy sings in yoruba
Emi
la o ni yo sib a ti fe ori beno lori angbeya wo lo onke
Please tell me again! What you just say.
After all these years of our friendship! Why delay for so long and keep the
poor girl waiting, thinking and worrying- when will he come? Worrying and in
pains suspense
RASAKI looks at Ochuko who has regained
confidence
RASAKI
So this is it! I should have known
that!...my-in-law. No! No! No! I don’t believe this!
Ochuko is worried
RASAKI
I didn’t quiet hear you
Rasaki picks a rag to clean his ears
RASAKI(contd)
Did I really hear you well? Tell me again
Ochuko wants to speak into rasaki’s ear. He
looks back in fright.
RASAKI
Of course, I heard you! is that it? That is
all ehn.
Rasaki rubs his stomach
RASAKI(contd)
I am so happy, joyful, elated and allthat
kind of a thing! Mopelola couldn’t have gotten a better choice.
Rasaki steps back takes an assessing look at
ochuko
RASAKI
And this coming from you ! fantastic
wonderful. You have made my day. At last market don get customer! E-e-e-e-o!
Rasaki taps his head in fulfillment neels down
RASAKI
Thank you God! May god grant you love plenty
children! Twins all the time! Ogun will never forsake you! osun will always be
with you!
Rasaki makes the cross sign
RASAKI
Amin. You know she is Yoruba.
Rasaki gets up
RASAKI
We have twins in our blood! Forget she speaks like a nna. It is not my fault;
her mother seized her from me, took her to the east. That was when we had a
little money wahala. Oh yes that was when Mopelola got the igbo man intonation.
And all the rest of it! Oh why am I telling you all this as if it matters. Why
am I talking like an idiot! E-e-ehn! Mopelola has finally gotten a suitor! I
shall get her directly instantly automatically and so on and so forth!
Rasaki makes his way towards the inner room.
RASAKI
Mopelola! Mopelola! Mope! The goods have
gotten a buyer! Lola!
Ochuko
Runing after rasaki covers his mouth
Eih! Eh!eh! bros!
Talking softly and slowly
OCHUKO
Would mappy accept?
RASAKI
Realizing himself from ochuko’s grip
Why won’t she? Is she mad? She dare not
disagree! She would accept! She shall accept she must accept! In fact she has
accepted! And look at you .handsome confident. Looking young and youthful, though
there are evidences of having flipped a lot of calendar years behind. Tell me I
you just seeing the green light?
Ochuko is stunned
RASAKI
Oh yes! She has been eyeing you. But you
wouldn’t speak! Please I’m wasting time and all the rest of it! Lola! Mope! Or
as you say m-a-a-ppy! The goods have finally gotten a buyer.
RASAKI dashes into the room as ochuko tries
to stop him.
OCHUKO
Eh! I am dead!
